...MILK IN MY EYELIDS

ON ‘GIRLS,’ FOR MAISONNEUVE

Wrote this for Maisonneuve because “Lena Dunham is rich/has shitty tattoos + a famous mom” is straight up medieval.

BROOKLYN ZINE FEST FOR BROKEN PENCIL

I went to the first annual Brooklyn Zine Fest last weekend and wrote some words about it for Broken Pencil. It was amaze-zine.

MUSIC STUFF THIS WEEK

Reviewed The Men’s new record, Open Your Heart, for HASH Magazine (page 50) and did this month’s Exclaim! questionnaire with Joel Plaskett.

Also went to Sleigh Bells show, woke up stoned the next day, wore blazer/ate cinnamon scone to compensate, suffered harrowing cut due to bakery’s jagged paper bag format, rinsed blood from hand in nearby washroom, exited washroom with still-bloody thumb-valley area, subsequently bled on school-related administrative form, handed it in anyway, felt good about the metaphor.

TWENTY YEARS OF EXCLAIM + RENEWED LOVE OF THE HIDDEN CAMERAS

Exclaim! turned twenty so I wrote this for The Grid.

The best part of writing this was hearing from The Hidden Cameras, who I thought would never return my emails because they are maybe the coolest band ever, but then they were gracious and sweet and Maggie MacDonald — in two short paragraphs — roused my Toronto heart from its cave of winter grouchiness with this channeling of an era I missed by an inch:

“We led the audience in dance moves for our songs. There was no pretension or coolness, just pure abandon. We were bringing the feeling of Will Munro’s Vazaleen nights to a rock club scene that certainly wasn’t used to such a queer-positive love fest. In Toronto, half the audience was like, ‘Are they kidding? Where are the straight dudes in jeans?’ But gradually, people let themselves go, and started dancing along, arms up in the air. That night you could feel the wave of joy spreading from the converts at the front, all the way to the back of the room. When Mikey and I threw our arms up during “Fear of Zine Failure,” a sea of arms waved along with us.

I think of this in the context of where society was ten years ago — equal marriage wasn’t even legal yet. The rock scene was very much a rock scene, very male and hetero, and keyboards were still just returning from their temporary retirement in the 90s.”

(The second best part of writing this was getting to talk to Peaches about her crotch.)

#IWD AND WHY PEOPLE SUCK AT IT

Today, this hundred and something’th International Women’s Day, I got onto a crowded bus. There weren’t any seats left. I stood in the aisle and prepared to remain there until it was time to get off. Noticing my no-discomfort-at-all, a scruffy mustache’d rural bro offered me his seat, which I tried to politely decline but then he got up and the bus was driving away and it was shaky and we were awkwardly close and the seat was empty and people were looking so I sat. From his bastion of benevolence, he looked down at me and mumbled: “Chivalry’s not dead. And isn’t it Women’s Day?”

Here is the problem.

International Women’s Day is not, or should not be, a 24 hour span of time in which people who are women are treated better than they would normally be treated. This is not Valentine’s Day, where otherwise shitty couples go to The Keg for two hours, have sex for one and then feel satisfied about their situation. This is not an opportunity to congratulate people on their gender. International Women’s Day exists because women (systematically, politically, domestically) have it rough, and if you make a joke about that phrasing then you should be embarrassed and recognize that you are part of the problem.

International Women’s Day should draw attention to the ongoing oppressions women endure, to vastly varying degrees, in every place in the entire world (I implore you to find me proof of a real matriarchy). Some countries treat International Women’s Day as a celebration. Here in North America, we collectively/rightfully scoff at the idea of enjoying such a holiday in places where women cannot vote/drive/have reproductive rights/make decisions based on their own interests and values. But western world: you’re a hypocrite, too.

For example: this morning, a website called AskMen.com posted a Happy Women’s Day (ugh) greeting to their Twitter account. “Women of the world, we love you” is what it said. Women of the world? That is literally 3,635,000,000 people. Do I even begin to attempt a summation of the vast stupidity of such a comment? Some AskMen.com intern eager to learn about gingham and protein shakes and “How To Deal With An Angry Feminist” (literally there is an article called this on their website) probably posted this to be sweet. And fine. I have been that Twittering intern. But when you’re saying “we love you, women of the world,” you’re actually being very dismissive, and presuming that there is something similar about each of these 3,635,000,000 people, based on their gender. Luckily, this intern is (probably, I mean fuck) a male working in Journalism, so he’ll have a copy editing job at The New York Times in two years and a corner office in approx. five. 

Later, I read an interview that a journalist (who, full disclosure: is a dear friend and a superstar scribe who I hope to Kathleen Hanna beats the aforementioned AskMen.com intern to that corner office) did with Jeanne Beker in her lavish home. It is a Women’s Day-themed Q+A with a wealthy, successful, celebrity woman. No problem — minus the celebrity part, I, too, endeavor to be these things. Also: Jeanne Beker is white, which matters. In the interview, Beker calls feminism “outdated” but then encourages all women to have children and talks shit about the Kardashians. Then it slips into high heels and Paris territory and I have to throw up and refocus. BRB. 

International Women’s Day should not be a spotlight on women who have succeeded, or women who play guitars (move on) or women who do cool things and don’t care about what you think. (Arrogance is privilege, Jeanne Beker.) A better use of this day would be to consider and amend the reasons why not all women get those things when they want them.

This is not an occasion to wish someone a Happy [Sorry That Your Gender is Treated So Poorly By Politics/Media/Society That We’ll Give You Time to Think About How Unfair This is] Day. “Happy Women’s Day, bitches!” tweets and “Women in Rock” lists and the very nice but actually v. condescending bequeathing of your seat (because of my gender) on the bus aren’t helping. International Women’s Day should open dialogue about reproductive rights, sexual assault, wage equality, domestic abuse, the present Republican candidate horror show, governmental rights and the lack thereof (ie. this, as of this week), laws, legislature, injustice, this culture of violence etc. etc. 

I am completely down with the intentions of International Women’s Day, but let us not forget what those are. Progress? Discussion? Jeanne Beker’s shoes? Yes/yes/come on.

BLUEPRINT MAGAZINE: 10th ANNIVERSARY ISSUE

I was lucky enough to contribute this piece to Blueprint Magazine’s tenth anniversary issue, the entirety of which is viewable here. I helped edit Blueprint back in my undergraduate days and am weeping-proud of how far it has come.

My piece is about chosen family vs. blood relatives. Also Bob Dylan and cocaine.

2011: THE YEAR IN JAMS

Making these December lists is tough because no one actually loves the superabundance of Pitchfork buzz bands the way they’re supposed to and because the music blogosphere is very much a moorland of coolness and good hair. I would feel totally comfortable writing “Velvet Underground. Bye.” in this space and calling it a day, but my hair is way too good for that, so instead I have compiled what I feel to be the best fifteen records of this past year.

15. Braids: Native Speaker

14. Feist: Metals

13. WATERS: Out in the Light

12. Neon Indian: Era Extraña

11. White Fence: Is Growing Faith

10. Bleached: Searching Through the Past 7”

9. Lykke Li: Wounded Rhymes

8. Youth Lagoon: The Year of Hibernation

7. Beirut: The Rip Tide

6. Austra: Feel It Break

5. Cat’s Eyes: Cat’s Eyes

4. Ty Segall: Goodbye Bread

3. The Rapture: In The Grace of Your Love

2. Timber Timbre: Creep On Creepin On

1. EMA: Past Life Martyred Saints

Addendum: Strange Mercy by St. Vincent was a really good record but mostly made me desire older St. Vincent records. Cults got me through the New York City heat. Fucked Up forever.

Is ANYONE out there really listening to the new Bon Iver from start to finish? Or did you fall asleep/kill yourself before track three? Genuine question. 

Lana Del Rey is important. Don’t kid yourself.

HAPPY NEW YEAR. THE END.